Romeo and Juliet, Eat Your Hearts Out!
by melancholic-medicine
Summary: A Kingdom Hearts take on Romeo and Juliet. Translated into modern english, to help Kingdom Hearts fans who struggle to understand the language of the Shakespeare classic. Namely my sister. SoraxKairi
1. Act I Prologue

Translated (hopefully correctly) into modern English, I give you Act I Prologue! By the way, because this is done to my translation this may be incorrect, or sound very very weird!

Romeo and Juliet © William Shakespeare

Kingdom Hearts © Square Enix / Disney

* * *

There are two great noble families,

In the great Radiant Garden, where this story's set,

From an old argument emerges a new struggle,

Where the blood of the innocent makes innocent hand guilty.

From the families of these two foes,

A pair of lovers doomed to tragedy take their life;

Their pitiful adventure brings to an end

With their death their parents' feud.

The fearful story of death marked love,

And the parents' continual anger,

Which nothing but their children's deaths end,

Is now the story weaved in front of you;

Which if you read carefully,

Whatever you don't understand, we shall try to help.

* * *

(laughs uncontrollably) Geez, did I screw that last line up or what? Sorry!

Anyway, I'm doing this as a challenge from my little sister. She has an account on FF, but, being the wonderful big sister I am, I quite honestly can't remember it! Oh well (hides as sister brandishes gun). A friend of mine got me the Romeo and Juliet manga (trust me, you should read it) and after I read it several times through, I let her read it (my sister, that is). She couldn't understand much of it, as it was all in the original Old English, so she asked me to try and translate it. Then she said I should try and adapt it to Kingdom hearts. Oh well, a challenge is a challenge.

Oh, and just because this is such a short chapter, I'll include the cast. I'm not totally happy with my choices, such as the LeonxTifa pairing, but oh well. And Demyx was pretty much thrown in at the last minute. Half for a shortage of characters, half for the funniness of it.

And last but not least, there will be no Keyblades. Well, otherwise, I'd have Rai charging around with a Keyblade, and that just scared me.

Romeo: Sora (well duh…)

Juliet: Kairi (sorry, yaoi fans, the thought of Riku impaling himelf at the end was too much to bare. And also I don't really like SoraxRiku.)

Lord and Lady Montague: Cloud and Aerith (some people, including my sister, believe that Sora is Cloud and Aerith's kid for some reason. I decided to humour this)

Lord and Lady Capulet: Leon and Tifa (I was a little stuck for characters. Not really a fan of LeonxTifa)

Mercutio: Riku (well, Sora and Riku are best friends, and so are Romeo and Mercutio)

Benvolio: Roxas (Benvolio and Romeo are cousins, and Sora and Roxas are practically twins)

Tybalt: Seifer (umm, no idea how I picked this one, to be honest. I think I tried to keep the Capulets as FF characters and Montagues as KH characters)

Paris: Tidus (according to my little sister, Tidus secretly fancies Kairi. Again, just to humour her)

Nurse: Kairi's 'grandmother' (remember her from KH I?)

Friar Laurence: Ansem the Wise (because he has a beard)

Prince Escalus: Axel (lol, I thought it would be funny. And some people say that Axel's Riku Nobody (which I personally detest the idea of) and Escalus and Mercutio are related)

Rosaline: Naminé (well, it was her or Selphie, and SoraxNaminé was less weird than SoraxSelphie)

Montague Servants: Hayner, Pence, Olette (like I said, Montagues, KH characters; Capulets, FF characters)

Capulet Servants: Rai, Vivi, Fuu (ditto)

The Apothecary: Demyx (last minute sort of thing. Plus I like Demyx, but not as much as Riku)


	2. Act I Scene I

Umm, yeah. What can I say other than sorry? Anyway, carrying on.

It's gonna go a chapter per scene, O.K.?

Sorry if they all sound like absolute spazzes, but I was trying to do this as close to the script as possible, which means either I'm trying too hard, or Shakespeare had several consecutive funny five minutes.

I also wanted to try and cut it down to what was necessary and also not have to include that which was really obvious ('thou art a villain' is quite obviously calling somebody a jerk), so general rambles while be cut out. Well, I can't have half the story about Rai and Vivi chatting about life included, because it will end up kind of boring.

And Shakespeare didn't exactly make it easy to translate into modern English (at one point Rai would sound like he decapitates girls for a past-time, from what I understood of the text). So, I'm doing my best, O.K.? Cut me some slack!

And characters' speaking habits (e.g. Axel's "Got it memorized?" and Rai's "Y'know?") were not in the original script or anything! And little actions and details that aren't in the script were just added to try and help you get a feel for the character.

And the armbands – I made that up to make this easier for myself, so remember they did not wear armbands in the play.

And humour any random additions Radiant Garden gets (e.g. a forest).

Romeo and Juliet © William Shakespeare

Kingdom Hearts © Square Enix

* * *

A gentle breeze swept through the market place of Radiant Garden, chilling the people who shopped busily there. They ignored it, for they had more important things to worry about than the wind. They carried on, undisturbed by the wind, which was now gaining strength, for if they did not finish their chores quickly, the chances were they would be caught up in yet another violent fight between the Montagues and the Capulets, where more innocents were hurt than those actually fighting.

For a moment, it was quiet and calm. People continued happily, chatting between themselves. Suddenly, there was a loud clang, and people turned around. A tall tanned male, wearing an orange tank top decorated with black lightening bolts and black tracksuit bottoms, struck a lamp post with the scabbard, causing it to ring out and alert people of his presence. Scurrying behind him eagerly was a short boy, with a blue trench coat and a large, dirty yellow, pointed hat with a crude face stitched on it that obscured his face. But underneath the rim were two ominous yellow eyes set against black skin. If people didn't know better, they would have thought that the boy was one of the creepy Heartless monsters talked about in the urban legends. Both of them wore blue armbands on their left arms.

But no, these two were not monsters. Instead, they were servants of the noble Capulet family, Rai and Vivi.

"Aw, Vivi, I'm bored of this job, y'know?" Rai grumbled loudly, playing around with the hand guard of his sword.

"You're right. This isn't the job we're meant to be doing." Vivi replied, trying not to whimper in public or in front of his friend. Rai stopped dead, and turned to look at his short little companion.

"We do this much longer, and I might hurt someone." Rai smirked, waving his sheathed sword in the air wildly. "Y'know?"

"Yes, but while you still have your job, try to stay calm. Please?" Vivi squeaked, trying not to sound pathetic.

"I'll hurt whoever I want if I feel like it." The tall male grunted in reply.

"But you're not normally irritated easily."

"A loser from the house of Montague would annoy me." Rai laughed proudly. It was well known that even the servants of the two houses hated each other, and they were afraid to admit it.

"But if you start a fight you get attention; if you don't do anything you get more." Vivi pointed out, waving his arms above his head to make sure his companion had his attention. "So, if you do get into a fight, you would run away." Rai turned his head and stared at Vivi. The small boy cowered beneath the sheer height of Rai. But eventually, Rai's fierce expression softened, and, starting to walk again, he spoke once more.

"An idiot from that house would make me start a fight. I would fight anybody who hangs with the Montagues, y'know?" Rai grinned. Vivi shifted uncomfortably; Rai was never usually this pugnacious, so maybe something was on his mind? All it meant to Vivi was to get a bit of distance from his tall friend. If he was this itchy just talking about Montagues, the boy dreaded o think what would happen if they met anybody from that stupid house, such as that brainless Hayner loser.

"Hey, if you want a fight so badly, maybe you shouldn't be in this job…" Vivi mumbled nervously, just loud enough for Rai to hear. Rai's head snapped to stare at his companion and Vivi flinched, anticipating the punch that was sure to be coming. Vivi waited, standing still on the spot, for what seemed like an eternity. Timidly, he opened his eyes, only to find that Rai had already started to walk off without him. Mentally screaming for Rai to stop or at least slow down, Vivi ran after him.

As he ran up to Rai, something caught his eye. Those two guys in the crowd, were they…? Yup, those armbands confirmed it. Montagues. All the Montagues – well, their servants at least, as all the main members of each of the families were instantly recognisable - wore a ruby red armband to mark them out, while Capulet servants wore a cobalt blue one.

Rai must have spotted them, too, weaving in and out of the crowd, trying to get closer. Vivi struggled to keep up and to make out whether Rai's expression was one of blood lust or he was just 'happy' to see them. One of the two noticed the tall tanned male coming towards them, and, not breaking eye-contact with Rai, tugged at his companion's loose shirt. He had weird fuzzy blonde hair, with a black top and camo pants, and a short sleeveless jacket. He was tall and thin, but the other Montague was fat and short, with wild black hair held back by a bandana. The short one turned around, and Rai took the opportunity to stick his finger up at him. The Montagues had their attention now.

"Hey, did you just do what I think you did?!" the short one, Pence, spat. Rai nodded smugly. "Are you sure you don't want to regret that?"

"Hey, Vivi. Do y'know if we have the law on our side or anything?" Rai asked quietly. Vivi shook his head quickly. He knew a fight was bound to start any minute now, but surely anything that would prolong it would be a good idea.

"O.K., I'll change that: no, I didn't." Rai grunted awkwardly.

"Hey, are you looking for a fight?" Vivi squeaked, feeling very intimidated by the fact that Rai wasn't the only person taller than him at the moment.

"Nope." Pence shrugged. The blonde Montague, Hayner, nudged Pence and nodded in agreement.

"Hey, my boss is just as good a guy as your's is, y'know?" Rai smiled. Maybe today wouldn't be a fight. Seeing that that blonde idiot had stayed oddly quiet, Rai was feeling considerably calm. Pence smirked.

"Yeah, just as good as ours."

"No, say our boss is better!" Vivi squeaked, nudging Rai's leg to keep him to play along. "'Cause Seifer's coming here soon!"

"Er, how about no?" Pence laughed. Hayner smirked, rubbing his nose. A little fight would be a change from the mundane errands they were on.

"Well then, let's rumble!" Rai roared menacingly. He quickly drew his narrow blade out of its sheathe and brought it down quickly on Hayner. Without missing a beat, Hayner bought the scabbard of his own sword up to act as a shield, and pushed Rai's attack out of the way. Crowds screamed, and within seconds, the marketplace was emptied.

Realising that they would soon be needed, Vivi and Pence each pulled out their own little dagger. Hayner jumped back a little to draw level with Pence, and Rai drew level with Vivi. What was only a moment passed along for infinity, but, without warning, all four of the fighters charged towards each other. It had been a relatively short battle compared to some past, more enjoyable ones, but, by the end of this, each pair was certain they would have reduced the other house by two useless servants.

"Hey, hey, hey! What are you guys doing?! Stop!"

In the middle of the four, struggling under the pressure of two swords and two daggers, was another boy, perhaps not much older than the others, stopping the unnecessary bloodshed with his own sword. He had blue eyes and spiky blonde hair that twirled up in a spiral. He wore a black top with a zip up the middle, and a white jacket with short sleeves over that. On his left hand were two rings, and his wrist was covered with a black and white chequered. His trousers were black with beige legs.

He had no need for an armband. This was Lord Cloud Montague's nephew, Roxas.

For a brief moment, the fight stopped, surprised by Roxas's sudden appearance. Roxas seized the opportunity; pushing upwards, he separated all four, and their momentum carried them to the ground, each with a soft thud.

"Humph, you losers giving up already?" The five boys turned around to look for the source of the voice. "Hey Roxas, watch out!" Roxas swivelled on the ball of his foot and managed to block the previously unseen attack just before it connected with his face. Staring at him, his face only several inches away, was Seifer, the infamous nephew of Lord Leon Capulet. His black hat was nearly covering his eyes, but Roxas could still see quite clearly the hatred bottled up within them; besides, Seifer had always been known fro his extreme hate of any Montague.

"Hey, I'm only trying to stop a fight and keep the peace here. Why don't you help me?" As ridiculous a statement as it was, Roxas hoped Seifer might do it. After all, there were Capulets involved. But instead, Seifer's face screwed up in disgust.

"Peace?! Ugh, I hate that word. Just like I hate heel, all Montagues and you. Take this!" Seifer spat, ducking into a crouched position and swinging his leg out, tripping up Roxas. Roxas yelped as he hit the floor hard, and grabbed Seifer's leg. Seifer tried to pull free, but Roxas clung on and refused to let go. He couldn't let there be blood shed. Especially now he'd just heard police sirens in the far-off distance.

Vivi and Rai hesitated, debating whether or not they should try and overpower the blonde Montague while he was busy clawing at Seifer's leg. Hayner and Pence, on the other hand, were trying to fight the fight between the nephews of the two lords and the angry crowd that had just gathered, armed with sticks and other things that could potentially hurt someone.

"You guys are sickening!" Someone in the crowd cried.

"Yeah! Down with the Capulets! Down with the Montagues!" This started to become a chant, threatening to drown out the noise of sirens in the distance, but not quite managing.

"What the hell's going on?" The group looked up quickly. Standing on one of the walls, armed with a fierce expression, was Lord Leon Capulet. It was obvious he had rushed out quickly upon hearing the panic, as he was missing his jacket and wearing slippers on his feet. Motioning to someone behind him, he yelled, "Give me my sword!"

"Hey?! What do you need a sword for?" Came the tired reply. Slowly catching up with her husband, Lady Tifa Capulet placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Just give me it! Look, Montague's got his!" Lord Capulet replied, pointing over to his life-long enemy. Lord Cloud Montague calmly strolled forward, while his wife, Lady Aerith Montague, trailed behind him, also trying to get her husband to calm down and stop. Lord Montague, however, had his sword out and was quite ready to join in the fight, despite his wife's protests.

The fight was just about to get bloody and violent, when suddenly, the long-anticipated police cars finally tore into view. A wave of unease filled the air; everyone knew what was coming. Several policemen rushed out of their cars, guns pointed and ready to fire. Nervously, everyone dropped their swords, like a bunch of children caught in the act of stealing sweets from the cupboard. Seifer was the last, though.

After everyone had dropped their weapons, one last police car came in. Everyone stared at it for a while, and eventually, a tall figure with wild red hair came out, wearing a black overcoat.

"Hold it right there!" Everyone flinched. That voice could only belong to one person: Prince Axel. And the arrival of Axel meant that everyone was going to get in trouble. Everyone stared guiltily, apart from Seifer, who basked in the chaos. "I thought I told all of you that the punishment for another fight would be torture? Everyone, drop your weapons!" he roared, prompting everyone to do so swiftly. "This makes three fights in public now. Capulet and Montague, you have disturbed this town's peace three times. The townsfolk are petrified." Axel paused and glanced around for effect. "If any of you start any further uproar, you will face a penalty of death. Now, I want everyone to leave here." Everyone turned to leave. "Uh – ah. Capulet, you're coming with me. Montague, I would like to see you later in the afternoon."

Lord Leon and Lady Tifa both sighed together, and trudged drearily towards the police car, and Tifa batted away the officer who tried to open the door for her. She could have sworn he had off-white skin and a zipped up mouth. And were his fingers bound together with a belt? What kind of police force was this? As the couple got in, Axel sat in the front passenger seat and the car drove off. Eventually, the only people left were Lord Cloud, Lady Aerith, and a weary Roxas. Cloud turned around to Roxas.

"Well, who started that fight?" Roxas explained how the servants had been fighting, how he had tried to break it up and how Seifer only made everything a lot worse. When he was finished, Aerith stepped forward.

"Where's Sora? I'm glad he wasn't in the fight." She said with a sigh of relief.

"Well, before the sun was up, I saw him walking around near the forest. I started to head towards him, but he noticed me, and hid in the forest." Roxas sighed.

"I've noticed that on many mornings," Cloud began, "he's been closing the curtains in his room and hiding away from the sunlight. He's obviously upset about something."

"Do you know what's wrong, Uncle?" Roxas asked hopefully. Cloud shook his head in response.

"I can't figure it out, and he won't tell me."

"Have you been on his back about it or something?" Roxas asked.

"I have, and so have my friends. But he keeps it totally to himself. We would love to make thing better just as much as we want to know what's wrong." Cloud replied, putting an arm around Aerith's shoulder and pulling her closer to him. His gaze suddenly changed to something in the distance. There, wandering around almost drunkenly, was none other than Sora. Roxas turned and studied him for a while, then turned back to Cloud and Aerith.

"Let me talk to him alone. I'll find out what's wrong." Roxas said, with an assertive look in his eyes. Cloud and Aerith looked and him, then each other, then stared Roxas again. Finally, Cloud broke the silence.

"I would rather stay, but if that's what you think… C'mon Aerith, let's leave them to it." Aerith nodded in response, and the pair of them strolled off, still holding each other. It was a well know fact that those two were still very much in love. Finally, with Cloud and Aerith gone, Roxas headed over to Sora.

"Good morning, Sora!" Roxas greeted cheerfully. Sora gazed sullenly back.

"Is it still morning?" he asked gloomily. Roxas nodded.

"It just turned nine."

"Man, today's dragging along." He paused. "Was that Dad just now?"

"Yup." Roxas replied dismissively. "Anyway, what's wrong?"

"I don't have what makes them long." He replied glumly.

"Are you in love?" Roxas asked eagerly.

"Out…"

"…Of love?" Roxas asked. Sora nodded. "Aww…" Roxas teased. Sora glared back at him.

"Anyway, "Sora replied grumpily. "Was there a fight here? Actually, don't tell me, because whatever it is, I've heard it already. There's a lot about hate, but more about love." Roxas sniggered. "What, you think it's funny?!"

"No, I just think it's sad, is all."

"What is?"

"At the fact you're unlucky with love." He replied between giggles.

"Fine, I'm leaving!" Sora snapped, storming off.

"Hey, hey, don't leave me. That put's you in the wrong if you do!" Roxas yelled, catching up with him. He caught up with Sora and walked besides him. "Tell me what she's like, this love of yours."

"Well," Sora began, a dreamy look in his eyes. "She's beautiful. And…" Sora rambled on for a bit, and it sounded like he couldn't get this girl's attention, no matter what.

"Well, personally… I think you ought to forget about her." Sora looked at him in disbelief. "There are plenty more fish in the sea, cousin." He finished, walking off.

"How the hell could I forget about someone so lovely?" Sora shouted after him.

* * *

What do you guys think about the family heads? How should I refer to them as? Lord Leon/Squall, Lady Tifa, Lord Cloud, and Lady Aerith, or just go for Lord and Lady Capulet and Montague? I'm open to suggestions. Secondly, I' going to screw this up for anyone who answers no, and sympathise with anyone who says yes: did anyone else get the image of Axel in a tiny police car with no roof, screaming "Nee Naw Nee Naw!" at the top of his lungs?


End file.
